The Couple That Sets Financial Goals Together Stay Together

Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

The Couple That Sets Financial Goals Together Stay Together

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After you write out your goals, I urge you to share them with your spouse, or significant other, and have the person do the same thing. You may be surprised to see what some of your partner’s goals are.

It’s helpful to do this because then you both have an idea about where each person wants to spend money. You can also see where you have goals in common. Being aligned with one another, in terms of long-term goals, can be an especially strong way to bond with your partner.

That’s no small task given the amount of financial fighting that goes on with most couples. Did you know among couples who divorce, financial strife is one of the biggest reasons for the break up? Seventy percent of all divorced people cite money squabbles as a reason, at least in part, as a reason for their divorce.

If you see a goal that your partner would like to accomplish in the future, now is the time to begin talking about how the two of you will meet that goal. So let’s say you want to go back to school in a year, and he wants to launch a new business in a year. How do you prioritize your goals? Compromises will often have to be made. But at least you’ve began the process of being your dreams to fruition – by putting those goals on paper and considering what steps are required to get you there.

Excerpt from The Money Coach’s Guide To Your First Million now in paperback.

How Debt Can Ruin Your Relationship

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Author: The Money Coach

Forget about lying, sexual incompatibility or infidelity. The real threat to your relationship may be your (or your partner’s) tendency to splurge on things that are outside your budget. As I often explain on Facebook, Twitter and in my financial seminars, the consequences of rampant over-spending — especially when using credit — are enormous. Not only are credit card delinquencies, bankruptcies and foreclosures on the rise, debt is even a huge factor in families being split apart.

Studies show that seven out of 10 couples who divorce say that financial strife played a big part in the breakup. If you’re married, be honest with yourself for a minute. Have your partner’s spending habits or financial patterns ever driven you crazy? Or perhaps you actually need to look in the mirror. Does your way of handling money – maybe buying things that the two of you can’t afford – cause friction in the relationship?

It seems like a cruel joke of the universe that so many couples are financial mismatches, with one person being a care-free spender and the other a staunch saver. Perhaps that’s why, in a study of 50,000 couples who went through its marriage preparation course, Life Innovations found that 72% of the 100,000 individuals polled said they wished their partners were more careful about spending. Also, 56% said major debts were a problem in the relationship.

Read the rest of this post on BlackVoices.com

Should you share a credit card with your significant other? (blogs.forbes.com)

Should I Get Married Even Though My Girlfriend Has a Lot of Debt?

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Author: The Money Coach

I have a reader who had a question about marrying into debt, and this is what he wrote me saying: “My girlfriend owes the IRS about $20,000 and has outstanding student loans for about $6,000. She makes six figures, but she spends about 30% of her paycheck on family members in need. So even though she makes a good living compared to everybody else, she essentially live paycheck‑to‑paycheck.”

He went on to say, “I am unemployed and looking for a job. Even when I get a job, paying at least $60,000 annually, living here in L.A. is quite expensive.” Then he gets to his question: “Is this pretty much a bad way to start a marriage?”

Well, I had a lot of thoughts when I got this email. The first thing, though, is that obviously a marriage is both an emotional commitment, a partnership between two people who love each other, but that it’s also a financial partnership as well.

I don’t think that we should shy away from discussing money issues and the extent to which they might play a role in our relationship. So this person is correct to raise the issue about money before he enters into marriage.

The answer, though, is probably not what he is expecting in terms of whether or not this is a bad way to start a marriage. I don’t think it’s a bad way to start a marriage just because you have debt. It would be a bad way to start a marriage if you both didn’t collectively agree on how to pay off the debt or how to handle your finances going forward. Those are the only two issues that could get in the way of having a successful, financially harmonious marriage.

I’m concerned about the question being so much about her problems and her situation and her alleged shortcomings. The person emphasized that she owes the IRS $20,000, she has student loans of $6,000, she makes six figures but she spends 30% on her family members, she essentially lives paycheck‑to‑paycheck.

Then when it came to his own situation, he said, “Oh, I’m unemployed and I’m looking for a job.” Well, you have to think that at least she has a job. So the right mindset isn’t to be overly critical about what she’s doing with her money. It’s perhaps to get her in alignment to understand that spending 30% of your income on family members is not a good thing and obviously needs to be adjusted.

But at the very least, recognize your own financial situation and your own ability to contribute financially to the relationship. Consider whether or not she’s thinking this is a bad way to start a marriage with you because you’re not employed at all.

Now you suggested that when you get a job, you’re going to be making at least $60, 000. Well, there’s certainly no guarantee that that’s the case. Yes, living in Los Angeles is very expensive, as is living in, say, the Northeast part of the country as well.

Overall, my advice would be don’t let your girlfriend’s existing obligations ‑ her $20,000 in IRS debt, her $6,000 in student loan debt, or the fact that she spends 30% of her paycheck on family members ‑ be the reason that you try to move forward or not move forward with the marriage.

If it turns out that after some serious discussions you find out that she is perennially unwilling to handle her affairs in a more positive way, then of course, yes, you should think about whether or not that’s something you want to be committed to in the long run. By the same token, be realistic and honest about your own situation. Put yourself in her situation. She may be saying, “Huh, this guy is unemployed and doesn’t even have a job. Should I marry him?”

Now, again, I would tell her just because he doesn’t have a job right now doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t marry him, because presumably he will get a job in the future. The idea here is to emphasize communication, understanding, and getting on the same page financially.

Lynnette Khalfani-Cox on The Daily Drum WHUR 96.3 Howard University Radio (askthemoneycoach.com)
Are There Any Programs That Can Help Pay Off My Student Loans? (askthemoneycoach.com)

I Can’t Afford My Condo. How Can I Move Without Defaulting on my Mortgage?

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Author: The Money Coach

Q: I Bought a Condo in 2006 and My Mortgage is More than it Should Be. I Recently Married and Would Like to Move into a More Spacious House. However, it Would be Difficult to Sell my Condo or Even Rent it for What we Pay Each Month. My Mortgage Lender Doesn’t Do Refi’s. So How Can I Move Without Defaulting on my Mortgage?

A: It sounds like you have little or no equity in your house. I’m guessing that’s the case based on a number of things. You bought your house in 2006, during the “no money down” era, when most homebuyers put little to no down payment for homes. You stated that your mortgage is “more than it should be”. And you indicated that your lender won’t do a refinance. Given all of this, you have a couple of options: One, try to refinance your home with a different lender so that your payments are more affordable. There’s no reason for you to be locked into your current lender – unless you have a loan with a hefty prepayment penalty or something like that. Getting a refi done will take equity in the home and good credit. If you can pull one off, then at least you’re not as cash-strapped.

Moving to a bigger home is another matter entirely. Not only do you need a down payment (that’ll be your equity) and good credit, you also need to come up with closing costs, and to figure out how to first unload your current property. I have no idea what your budget looks like, what you and your spouse’s combined income or expenses are, nor what the real estate market is like in your area. So it’s difficult for me to offer you options that would help you to out of a financial jam. But you haven’t expressed any other financial problems, outside the fact that your mortgage is too high and that you really want to move to a bigger place. Recognize that having a bigger house is a “want” at this point, and not a “need.” If selling or renting are not feasible, I don’t see many options left. You may have to wait until the market turns around and you can sell your existing house in order to come up with the cash necessary for another residence. It would not be wise to buy another house and simply default or “walk away” from your current condo solely because you want a bigger house. If the house was greatly under water – say 25% or more – and you and your husband just couldn’t afford it, maybe because you were unemployed or something, then I might suggest considering your options regarding walking away. But nothing you’ve said to me indicates this. So I think you should try to have a little patience, beautify the home you currently have, and try to ride out this housing downturn. I know it’s not a pretty picture right now. But in the long term you’ll be glad if you wait and buy your new home under the right conditions, with your finances and your credit in tact.

Mortgages: Stricter Lending Guidelines for Condos (nytimes.com)
Why You Should Give Reverse Mortgages Another Look (askamoneyexpert.com)

Ask The Money Coach

Posts Tagged ‘marriage’