What to Do if Your Spouse Stole Money From You

by Lynnette Khalfani-Cox, The Money Coach on January 19, 2012

in Couples and Money

Pickpocket credit card

It’s painful both emotionally and financially when you learn that someone you love stole your money

You may not be divorced or even separated when you find out that your spouse stole money from you.

 

When your husband or wife steals money from your bank account or wallet, they may have lied to you to cover up their act and broken your trust.

Lies like these can be especially damaging to any relationship and you might find it difficult to trust your partner about other matters in the future.

Stealing money from a spouse isn’t something that’s easy to overlook and you might be wondering why they had to lie to you and what they spent the money on.

Here are some things you can do if you find out that your spouse was stealing money from you:

Bring the Issue Up Peacefully 

Approaching your spouse about the issue can be nerve-wracking and they might overreact or become angry when you explain that you know what they were doing. You can’t avoid conflict altogether but you will need to address the issue at the next opportunity.

Be calm and direct about what has happened and how you found out.

Avoid accusing your spouse of being a thief or a liar and focus instead on how you felt about what happened. Ask questions. Be as sincere and direct as possible so that you can both talk about the issue at hand.

Seek Therapy 

If you and your spouse were already having communication issues or your marriage is on the rocks, now might be a good time to seek couples counseling.

You don’t have to seek counseling specifically to address the theft, but you can bring it up at some point during therapy so that a third-party can help to address the issue.

Counseling can be the best way for both parties to open up and really talk about any problems that might have led to stealing money or lying. 

Set Up a Separate Bank Account 

You have the right to have your own bank account even when you’re married. If you previously had joint accounts and set a budget on how much each spouse would spend, consider closing that account and owning individual accounts.

You could also have a joint account just for joint expenses, such as your living expenses and other necessities.

Setting up a separate bank account might give you some peace of mind and make it easier for you to protect your hard-earned dollars in the event that you continue to experience marriage problems.

Get to the Real Root of the Problem

If you’re truly shocked to find out about missing money, and this hasn’t been a pattern in the past with your spouse, realize that your husband or wife’s financial theft is a symptom of a much-deeper problem, or even many problems. He or she might be a gambler, could be abusing drugs, might be having an affair, or could simply be a shopaholic.

Or maybe there’s no personal problem at all with your spouse. Perhaps a family member is in dire financial straits and your spouse has been helping a relative out financially.

Realistically, you’ll never know the truth about what’s been going on until you fix another problem: and that is the lack of communication over the issue. So try to start with a civil conversation about the matter. To preserve the marriage and to rebuild any lost trust, you’ll both need to resolve to stay on the same page in the future, from a communications standpoint, emotionally and financially too.

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This Article Answered The Following Money Questions:

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  • wife stealing money from husband
  • wife steals money from husband
  • my husband steals money from me
  • wife stealing from husband
  • husband stealing money from wife

sue

My partner keeps money under the sink, I took 20pounds didn’t tell him, because I had wanted to put it back before he noticed . Which looks really bad on me because it’s stealing I should of asked but I didn’t. Anyway he happened to take a look in the monies bag and he noticed that monies had gone , so he asked me and I lied about it why a number of things I felt like shit I am disappointed in myself . Anyway we got through that and I would never do that again, but he went nuts on me again accusing me taking money again, which is fair enough because there’s no one else in the flat to take it only me plus I done it before, but I haven’t taken it, how can I prove I didn’t do it, he has lost trust in me, I love him so much I just don’t know what to do please help with answer, he swears money has gone missing and the finger points in my direction, to be truthful I would be just the same if it was the other way round, but I truly haven’t took it. Thankyou Sue

mitch

You need to get out of the relationship asap before you have a kid and end up where I am because if he did it once he will 100% do it again which cannot happen if you ever even want your bills payed off

maria

My bf stole from me I left some money in the car we went to sleep when I woke up the money was gon and I found my wallet in my seat.folks tell me something I have credit card and debit in there but yet just the cash was missing when I tell him that the money is gone he looks like he can care less that money in the car was all I had im trying to make ends meet he is jobless my gas tank the day was almost empty I had to call a Friend for 10 dollars for gas I have nothing right now thing is my car was lock and it has an alarm but still money gone I hate him n he dont even know it because im not gonna accuse him god is my strengths

Wife

I haven’t shared my story yet to anyone I have been hiding the secret for 3 years.

My husband started taking his paycheck and going to the casino. And came home with nothing. We were three months from our lease ending apartment and with no income coming in we kept getting eviction letters. I was in college at the time and we had two boys. I had gotten financial aid and that would help with the basics diapers and food etc. I had to and still do hide my money Wherever I could. At the end of your lease we had to move out and no one would except us because an addiction was on a record. We ended up moving in the parking lot of our church in a camper trailer with our kids. We were there for three months while my husband was working and I finished school. Still my husband will come home with paycheck once in a while and I finally got a new job after I graduated. He moved into a hotel by my job thinking that place away from the casino with the best thing. We pay 375 a week. Things were better then my husband got a job finally and had two incomes. Talked about just staying here until he found a place to live. He always told me that the reason why he goes gambling is because he wants to double up and provide better things for us.

After two months of rejection trying to get into a place even though income housing he started to get into a depression and the ritual came back. He would say that his paycheck didn’t come yet, he only got so much on his paycheck and want to show me the paystub’s. I find out from family and friends he’s borrowing hundreds of dollars from them and promised he would pay them back and asking me when we can pay them back. Of course I had no idea he was doing this so I’ll covered up and tell them we will soon. I never wanted to tell family and friends of his problem. He got my bank account number and opened up a Google wallet account. I had to change my withdrawal balance alerts to $10 so I get notified every time a transaction is made. He was transferring hundred dollars here hundred dollars there from our account and deposit it into his Google wallet. He also made an account on the Walmart website and would buy gift cards with my account number, and Western Union.

Just the other day top everything off. I always had my debit card somewhere on me in my bra, pants pocket. This time I left in my purse. I had fallen asleep and didn’t know he left. I woke up in the morning the next day with an alert extending $10. When I looked on my bank account online there was two transactions depositing into my account $100 and $50. I didnt know where he got the checks from and started getting worried so I asked him. He told me he was sorry and he made a steak and deposited two empty envelopes into my count and withdrew money. And of course he wanted to go to the casino and double up. I automatically knew what was going to happen. I was so upset trying to get ready to go to work and take kids to day care and told him he had to take care of it. I got off work early because I cannot think right excuse to my employer. I has been said that he talk to the bank and they won’t give them information since he’s not on the account. So I called the number and spoke to the teller he talk to and they said that he deposited two different empty envelope. Which was fraudulent. It put a red flag on my account. I only had two dollars in my account and with Drew 100. The teller told me since the fire department is closed he can’t do anything about it at that time. But you speak to my branch that I have a relationship with. I thought that if I deposit the money he’s fraudulently put in it may fix things.So I borrowed $150 which he deposited from my mother-in-law and put that in the cash hoping that would fix everything. Well it didn’t do anything. Thanks for closing the next day I. Talk to my branch manager and he said only person that can fix things for me or help me out is where I opened the account up. They were 45 minutes away so I called them. The lady said that because of this mistake and depositing empty envelopes in the ATM and point money out is illegal that they had to close my account. I explained to her that my husband just made mistake because he was drunk, “I didn’t want anybody to know what my husband did. I was embarrassed. ” And I I have deposit deposit going through at midnight from my employer, and I have bills that I have automatic payments the next day. She told me that she will try to open up my account for the check deposit to go throug, and to see if there’s a way she can let me withdrawal some cash to help pay with bills. She called me back and said that the deposit has been going through and I am able to pull out two thirds of my check. And I had to go to a certain bank to withdraw it. So I go to the bank. That she sent me to, and the teller said that she isn’t able to withdraw any money. And she was trying to get a hold of the corporate. Waiting there for an hour trying to see what’s going to happen before I pick up the kids at day care the manager pulled me into the office. He said that because of how the deposit was made and withdraw my money I didn’t have I am red flag with check systems. I can’t withdraw any of my money, but deposit the check from my employer may not go through and they are closing my account for good. This all happened today. I’m sure it would be easy to say I know what to do, if it was someone else. I want to say I love my husband, but more so for the kids. Help!

Philip Reeves

Me and my wife have been married for just over four years, there was a problem in the past where she was addicted to weed (marijuana) and she was as steeling then. We got past that and everything has been good for a couple years and out of the blue she stole money again. Each week we get 10 % of the pay for are own expense needs but I have the ability to save as she does not its been working lime this for about a year and when I confronted her she denied it called into work behind my back and went and hung out at a friends house instead of going to work. I don’t know what to do because until she admits she has done anything wrong we can’t work to fix it.

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